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This is a parent tactic that I wish I knew when all of my children were younger.
Controlled Choices will help you too. It hit me like a Mack truck one day. I was trying to get my youngest daughter dressed for school, and we were running late. I could smell the breakfast toast burning, and hear two of my other children arguing over who knows what. All while the cat was meowing to be fed, and I seriously couldn’t find my left shoe. The clock was ticking loud and clear, and the last thing we needed at that moment was a dramatic episode about my 4-year old’s outfit.
“No, you are not wearing your sundress Jillian, it’s 30 degrees outside, I don’t care how beautiful it twirls”.
It is at that chaotic point of my life where I realized that my little miss was only looking for her independence, but of course I was looking for my sanity that seemed to have taken a hiatus. Who am I kidding, as a single working mom of 4 children under the age of 10, my sanity had taken a boat ride out of here and is half way to Fiji, at this point
The words “you are going to wear it…because I said so” almost crossed my lips. That would have definitely kickstarted the mother of all tantrums. Instead this moment changed my outlook on stressful parent issues just like this. It seemed so simple and so obvious, how could it possibly work? An unexpected calm came over me. I took a deep breath and then I hustled around her room like I knew what I was doing. I was very well aware that my 4-year-old daughter was watching my every move.
I walked over to Jillian’s closet, and I picked out two complete outfits and laid them on the bed. I slowly turned to her with a very firm and controlled parental face and I told her….
“Okay Jill…you have two choices, you can wear this pink outfit on the left or the purple outfit on the right. (using my best Vanna White motions as I showed her) The choice is yours”
“The Choice is Yours”
Jill brought her forced tears down to a minimal sniffle and looked at the outfits, she looked at me and then looked at the outfits again. With the determination of a 4 year old to make this process last much longer than it needed to, simply because she can. She looked at me and then looked at the outfits again, and again and that’s when I heard my self say in a very calm voice..,
“Okay I know your outfit is very important to you…this is what we are going to do. You can have 5 minutes to choose which of these outfits you are going to wear today. I am going to walk out of the room to let you choose all by yourself and when I come back, if you have not made a choice, I will make the choice for you.” (insert dramatic pause here)
”You can do this Jillian…I know you will pick the best one”…and out I walked.
I did not even have to wait 5 minutes, Jillian came bounding out of the room in her purple outfit, extremely happy with HER choice. My controlled choices helped to foster her independence.
You see, she was fighting for the independence to make her own choices, which is something we should encourage. However, it is very difficult in the hustle and bustle of everyday life. Of course, I just wanted an outfit that was weather appropriate and somewhat matched.
She was happy that she got to choose her outfit but ultimately the final decision was mine, because I chose the two outfits that I deemed appropriate.
Life changing!! Controlled choices…who knew?
But I never did find my left shoe
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