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When you decide to start a family, you begin with preset notions of the perfect happy life. It does not take long to realize that even the best-laid plans are hard to accomplish in the parenting world. Do not be discouraged and by all means, do not think you are alone. Parenting is a constant challenge and a test of your patience. You soon realize that family life is not all sunshine and roses; it’s more like, crushed Cheerios, chasing the ZZZ’s and “what do I smell?” with a few adorable smiles and hugs thrown into the mixture.
One thing is for certain, families come in many different shapes and sizes. There is so much glory in seeing the diversity in the meaning of a family. However, no matter the make-up of your family, a family by nature can always benefit from the process of simplifying your family life.
When you first have a baby, it is natural to make sure you have everything under the sun that you and your baby may need. You make registry lists and listen to friends and family experiences on what you must have. You spend countless hours searching the internet and magazines and come to the realization that you need everything to be a good Mom…right? Not exactly. Actually, it’s the opposite. Too much stuff can be overwhelming and lead to additional anxiety in the big unknown world of parenting. When you bring your baby home you want to be comfortable and relaxed, not overwhelmed.
Actually, all a new baby truly needs is a safe place to sleep, clean clothes and the proper food…that’s basically it! (Trust me you will realize this eventually) Am I an advocate for having only the basics? White walls and bare minimalism…absolutely not! However I do believe you need to be comfortable and your home and family should always be your safe zone. Only you can decide what level of comfort is right for you. The first few months are hard and full of unknowns and sleepless nights. Give yourself a pass during this time, call it a learning curve. Just enjoy the process because you are making memories.
“Your home and family should always be your safe zone“
As your family grows so will the chaos. That’s just a given, and the sooner you accept that, the easier life will be. No-one tells you about the hard parts. Or better yet, know one tells you realistically about the hard parts. Our social media world makes everyone’s life look picture perfect…trust me, they’re not. Honestly the more people post about how wonderful their life is, the more I wonder if they are truly okay.
Our world and our culture today are constantly telling us that we always need more, more, more. The latest and greatest new toys, when actually well bought and selective toys that will last is much more important than quantity. They tell us we need the newest in clothes fashions when actually what you will need are well made and durable clothes that will last through your child’s adventures (they grow quickly and you will constantly need to update) They will outgrow most clothes usually before they wear them out.
Our culture will tell us that we need to participate in every sport, school, and community activity or your child won’t be successful in life. It’s simply not true! Participate yes, but be selective as to what works for your family.
So, when you decide to simplify your life as a family, realize that it is a combination of individualized goals with family goals. Simplifying your life does not mean perfection in every aspect. What it means is taking the steps to accomplish realistic goals that will make life’s journey with children a little bit easier and less stressful.
Start with yourself. Take the steps to make your life as comfortable as you need it to be. Make sure your goals are realistic. Don’t expect your house to be picture-perfect all the time, why?…because you live there! It’s as simple as that. Your children will have toys out, laundry will make piles and dirty dishes will happen. Also don’t expect your family to be on board with this right away. It is a process but one that you will be glad you made.
Here are a few steps that will help you simplify your life along the way
1.) Start with yourself
Lead by example and take the first steps. Start organizing your space and your stuff to a workable and comfortable level. Don’t try to simplify everything at once, that in itself is overwhelming. Instead, take one area of your life at a time. I always recommend starting with a drawer then a closet, etc…De-clutter those areas by making a Donate pile and a Throw-away pile, encourage family members to contribute. Remind them fewer items mean less to clean. They probably won’t be on board at first, since you are ultimately asking them to clean.
2.) Make sure everything has a home
This is a basic lesson in the Pre-school world that can be utilized at home as well. If all your items and “stuff” do not have a home or a place to be stored, then they quickly become clutter. This is a simple rule, but it helps when purchasing items as well. Yes, I want that new coat, but do I have room in my closet? If not, it will end up hanging over a chair adding to the world of chaos. When your child wants the newest and greatest toys, you can still say yes but follow up with “okay, then we will need to donate your old bike to another family”. When children learn this process, organizing for them becomes a habit, not a chore. It also teaches the art and the gift of giving.
3.) Include the family
Taking this on by yourself will have the opposite effect of simplifying your life, this is why in the above steps I have mentioned including your family in the process. Teach children young so that it becomes the norm, not the exception. Even young children know which toys belong to them, and they can help put them away. Make it simpler for them…”It’s time for lunch so let’s put all your toys back into the trunk for now” Don’t expect a young child to neatly organize items on a shelf. But praise them when they are in the process and when they finish putting items away. This is so simple, but it will go a long way!
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4.) Designate common areas and set up a "Sweep" Box process
Do not take this on by yourself. Older children can help organize a pantry or closet. Try not to make this a chore or a punishment but rather praise them for their help and family contribution.
Do a weekly sweep. This is a simple action, but it really works. Make a box and call it the “Sweep Box” so when your children see it come out, they will know to help or to quickly put items they left out back in their home. It can also be a responsibility of older children, they can walk around your home and decide if there are items not being used, items that are broken or items that need a home. Utilize the process of…Keep (in its home), Donate or Throw Away mentality
5.) Set routines
Most parents know that having a routine can be a lifesaver in the morning or at bed-time. But a routine can apply in many other areas also. If your child plays with their toys then make it a routine or a ritual to put the toys away before they move onto another activity. Make a routine on when and how to pack lunches. You may have a process that works every night or maybe in the morning. Whatever works for you but try to stick to this routine.
Every time anyone walks in the door make putting their belongings in their proper spot a routine instead of everything getting dropped haphazardly at the door only to be dealt with at a later time. Which usually ends up with you asking several times for your child to put their backpack away…followed with…”I will Mom” and an hour later it is still there. Eventually, after routines are an everyday process then when things are left at the door…you will hear yourself only say four words instead of constant nagging (for lack of a better term).”Where does it belong” and hopefully you will only need to say it once. Setting practical routines will help simplify your family life.
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6.) Control your calendar
In the busy world today, this will seem easier said than done. Here’s the trick…you can say “No”….honest you can! Just because you signed up to be a PTA volunteer does not mean you need to attend every school event. Be realistic and be selective. It is ok to be a little selfish here. After all, your family is your priority, and you will not be doing your family any good by spreading yourself too thin. It is ok to give your family some downtime, in fact, it is really important.
7.) Limit your child’s activities
Your child does not need to be in every club, join every team, and participate in all activities. It will become overwhelming to them also. Instead, include them in the process, let them pick and choose which activities they want to attend. If they are part of the process, they will become more excited about their choices. With four children, I found it much easier for each child to choose only one sport per season and we would import different activities and clubs as well, but only if they worked with-in the family schedule. This way we were never over-scheduled or felt bogged down.
8.) Make a visible family calendar
In this busy world where the calendars on our phones have become as important to us as drinking water, it is important to create a visible family calendar also. This will help with the continuity of your schedules, especially as the children grow older. Include your children in this process also. It can be very basic in the beginning, marking play dates, birthdays, and special occasions. As the children grow so will their activities, which can include Baseball practice, Art club, special school days such as Band days at school, so don’t forget your trumpet. You can use pictures, stickers, and colors for different family members. Whatever works for you, but when you have a family calendar it is easier for everyone to be respectful of each other, and helps teach the importance of family time.
9.) Simplify the mealtime process
……Yes it is possible. Make dinners a priority. I am a firm believer that everything runs smoother if everyone in your family eats together at the table. Breakfast and lunch may not always be possible with school and work, but dinner should be a sacred, family bonding event.
Put away all technology and really take this time to be together. This is the special time when everyone shares all the details of their day. It starts a conversation routine that you will be glad you started, especially when your children turn into teenagers.
Make the meal process easier on yourself by making special meal days. In our family, we always have Taco Tuesdays and Friday nights are always Pizza, Game Movie night. Boom…two nights that I never had to wonder what to make for dinner, and we never had complaints since they were meals that they all loved. Avoid the short-order cook mentality, try to prepare meals that will please the masses, but do not cook entirely different meals because Sally decided she doesn’t like pasta today. Ok, she can eat the meatballs and salad, but you are not cooking her chicken nuggets. If you do, it will become a nightly ritual and you have set a precedent and have become a short-order cook.
Other tricks include utilizing your slow cooker to help with meal preparation. Prepare and plan your meals weekly, this will help with the shopping process also. Create double the meals, serve one and freeze the other for another night. Simplifying the mealtime process will definitely help simplify your family life.
10.) Enjoy some downtime.
One of the most important things to do to simplify your family life will be to include some family down time. Times where you have nothing to do but enjoy each other. It can be as simple as family walks together or as wonderful as an entire day of no scheduled or planned activities. These are the moments when you truly get to know and appreciate your children. Trust me, the laundry can wait. These special times will not.
There are so many different ways to simplify your family life. It’s a never ending and ever changing process. It is different for every family, however don’t hesitate to ask for help and advice. Parenting is always a learning process. Be open to advice or the offer of help. Ask your friends, families and co-workers for tips and tricks that works for them. Most people will be happy to help and they will be honored that you asked. It is basically a compliment for them and help for you, it’s a win, win all around.
Simplifying your family life is a process that you can enjoy along the way!